i may need to calm down my life....

but i find it way to much fun.

so he is one of the most interesting and different person i have meet in a long time. I think some people find him weird, i dont care i cant help but want to know more about him.

Its not smart. not at all. but i dont care

 I have to say, i've been happy. Im single and im happy. While i miss how close me and Brian were, we still have a friendship. I know i hurt him, but it really was for the best.

I have been able to be me wherever i want. You know? I can be sociable all the time now.

The other problem is still there, but you know...i shouldnt worry about it. I do not plan on making it a seriuos thing for awhile if it ever turns into that. Im not ready for a serious relationship, i really just want to be casual about it.

At the end of 2009 i had made myself happy...its now the beginning of 2010 and i have put myself in a situation that could go good or bad...to the extreme.

I want it to turn out well, but its a huge risk. I dont want to regret the choice i make. Im beyond attracted to choosing the selfish choice. I want it, really bad.

I've pretty much made the choice to go with my gut feeling, which tells me to go for it. Now its up to the other side to make the choice. And he has way more to decide then me.

the issue....its called 17 and 24

i broke up with brian...and while im hurt...ive moved on in a big way. Its porbably becuase i had started to move on a long time ago i just didnt see it.

He has asked for me back a couple times now, and while i hate to see him be so hurt, i have to do what makes me happy. I was stuck when i was with him, i couldnt move forward at all. Thats not what i need, nor will it ever be what i need. And i hope one day he can realize that we werent meant to last forever and that what we had for 2 years was special.

I'll always love him, he was my first love. I will always care for him, i would do anything to help him. I just cant be with him.